One night in October 2014, I knelt beside my bed and uttered the prayer that–unbeknownst to me–would set my new course in life. I can still vividly remember it–the words I spoke and the way I felt–and that testifies to me that it was no ordinary prayer.
It was a message to God. I told him I was ready.
Earlier that day, I had met up with a dear friend for a play date. While our kids played, we talked about our lives. My friend has seen and endured many, many heartbreaking struggles in her life–struggles that I simply couldn’t relate to because I had not experienced them. I felt helpless to give her any kind of comfort and so I could only just listen and be her friend.
That night, with my dear friend’s pain heavy in my heart I prayed the following to my Heavenly Father:
“Heavenly Father, I feel so blessed. I have not had to endure any major trial in my life so far. I’m not exactly sure why. But I know that it’s not a matter of “if” a trial will come but “when.” And I pray Heavenly Father that I will be strong. That I will endure my trial with strength and happiness when it comes. I promise that I will stay strong in the gospel. I promise I will get through it and never lose my testimony. I pray that I will be prepared to face my trial with courage, whatever it may be.”
When I imagined the trials that could possibly invade my life I thought of death, of loss of job or home, or of illness. Sexual addiction–pornography, lust, immorality, infidelity, possible divorce-was never on my mind.
But I imagine my Heavenly Father weeping at hearing my prayer. I had confirmed to Him that I was ready to know all that had been hidden from me by my husband. I had confirmed to Him that I could handle it and that I would make it through. He knew I would not falter but triumph.
I can imagine Him weeping, knowing how much I would be hurt. But I can also imagine Him weeping for joy that His daughter would soon be set free.
I went to bed that night feeling so blessed, not knowing what the imminent future held for me.
Heavenly Father did indeed free me. I firmly believed He brought about the circumstances that led to the discovery of my husband’s sexual addiction that night of November 8th.
It was that prayer that allowed Heavenly Father to say, “Enough is enough. If Simon won’t free her. I will.”
Prayer is powerful. It has changed my life.